In my youth, I had a strong attraction for Krsna consciousness and the life in the temple at Henry Street in Brooklyn. I made the decision to enter that life, but couldn’t maintain it for very long. After that, I spent many years away from it, but it was never far from my thoughts.
“ . . . Prabhupada nodded yes. Then Subhananda asked Prabhupada for his blessings so he could write the book.
‘In some of your purports,’ said Subhananda, ‘you explain that one cannot write transcendental literature unless he is empowered by his spiritual master.’
Prabhupada waved his arm and said, ‘You’re empowered.’”
---From Satsvarupa dasa Gosvami, Prabhupada Nectar page 289
Vaikuntha – it means “without anxiety”.
But for now, down here, we have to live with it.
It’s dirty gasoline, but flammable.
The smell persists on our irritated blistered skin.
Nineteen years old and I read how the gopis left family and home behind.
I couldn’t make it.
A frantic angry panicked mother.
I turned away, ran away, pushed it away as far as I could.
That was time served in Hell.
Pneumonia, gastric distress, ghastly thin,
looking for another path or
simply to forget.
His lovers who were restrained, kept away,
how was it for them?
Some of the gopis were factually detained from going to Krsna by their husbands and were locked up by force within their rooms. Being unable to go to Kṛṣṇa, they began to meditate upon His transcendental form by closing their eyes… The gopīs who could not personally go to Kṛṣṇa began to meditate on Him as perfect yogīs. Srila Prabhupada, Krsna Book, Chapter 29
Who can even imagine their perfect love?
No forgetting for them.
We hope to find a shadow of their constant longing.
For me, the memory of Him was instead a dried seed that took fifty years to open.
Vaikuntha realm of beautiful shining bodies,
no terror, no restraint, no regret.
Anxiety is a thin soil, but maybe nourishing enough for a lone wild vine.
Above or within that realm of gods,
that land of the unafraid,
there is a perfect location of faith
where our stumbling fears in this world are rescued and completed.
Day and night Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu felt separation from Kṛṣṇa. Manifesting symptoms of this separation, He cried and talked very inconsistently, like a madman.
Caitanya Caritamrta, Adi-Lila 13.40, Srila Prabhupada purport